Headline Hunter

from CNN

“Panic” and “fear” are synonyms.

from PCWorld

There, we ran your propaganda in our magazine. Can we get in on the IPO now?

from CNN

I’m sorry, I’m going to have to confiscate your simile license for abuse.

from Wired

The most shocking part of this story is the revelation that Myspace is still around to be slapped.

from MSNBC

Other stunning revelations include the fact that bin Laden apparently was not a fan of Israel.

from Voice of America

Did they not realize that that would be difficult after giving him back to the Chinese? That’s reassuring in a way: the US government isn’t evil, they’re just complete morons.

from The Verge

I see what you did there.

from Informationweek

… and no one else.

from Wired

His plan was genius because he knew there was no way police and military personnel would spend hours and hours intensely studying these files.

from Sports Illustrated

So who did they pick so quickly? The suspense is killing me!

from Business Insider

Yes I do, Matt Rosoff. That was you.

Is your argument that you must be right this time because you were wrong before?

from Fox News

This will end badly - for generations of bored Russian high school students, who will be forced to write book reports on the subject.

from Wired

“How dare you ignore victims of post traumatic stress disorder, after we spent decades specifically telling you to?”

from MTV

There is no rest for the Secret Service, who must now interview a rock star right on the heels of their exhaustive, in-depth investigation of Colombian escorts.

from Los Angeles Times

In other news: Spain still has a king, apparently.