May 2013
6 posts
4 tags
Inventor of the GIF uses awards ceremony to remind... →
from The Verge
Can someone remind him it’s not pronounced “jraphics?”
3 tags
Taco Bell testing breakfast Waffle Taco →
from The USA Today
Thus signaling the impending demise of humanity.
3 tags
Paul Templer, River Guide Swallowed By Hippo,... →
from Huffington Post
You missed a perfectly good opportunity to use “Hungry, Hungry Hippo” in a headline right there.
3 tags
“The master copies of all the shows and movies available to Netflix take up 3.14...”
– Or one pi-tabyte.
Businessweek via Paris Lemon
6 tags
Tesla Surges After Posting Profit; Value Exceeds... →
from Bloomberg
Surely this can’t be the same Tesla Motors that Mitt Romney picked as a loser.
3 tags
Five things to get you up to speed in Jodi Arias... →
from The USA Today
#1: You need to get a life and stop following other peoples’ trials.
3 tags
Indian stuntman who used his hair to descend zip... →
from The Telegraph
I don’t think you’re allowed to call it a freak accident if it was done on purpose.
April 2013
8 posts
3 tags
Did Media Botch the Boston Bombing? →
from U.S. News and World Report
Did U.S. News and World Report somehow exempt themselves from being members of the media?
2 tags
Margaret Thatcher's funeral had no real hatred, no... →
from The Daily Mirror
I guess there’s no real story here, then, innit?
4 tags
Is eBay the New Amazon on Wall Street? →
from The Motley Fool
Well, eBay is actually making money … so no.
3 tags
Price of Gold Takes a Flashy Fall →
from The New York Times
As does my respect for The New York Times.
3 tags
Holy Crap, Is This Mark Zuckerberg's Embarrassing... →
from Gizmodo
Holy crap, is this news?
5 tags
Lasers used to turn off cocaine addiction in rat... →
NIH via The Verge
You had me at “lasers” and “brains.”
4 tags
Why did 28,000 rivers in China suddenly disappear? →
from The Verge
Because you’re not using the words “suddenly” or “disappear” correctly?
March 2013
8 posts
1 tag
You Suck at Search →
from webmonkey
And you suck at writing.
3 tags
3 tags
NYC to install touchscreen subway kiosks with... →
from The Verge
Great idea. New Yorkers would never deface something they’re encouraged to touch.
3 tags
Lululemon Sheer Yoga Pants Undetected Until... →
from Bloomberg
Sometimes a headline is so perfect, it cannot be improved upon by commenting. And other times the body of the article goes on to provide gems such as: “The truth of the matter is the only way you can actually test for the issue is to put the pants on and bend over.”
1 tag
Guns And Ammo: Take Aim And Profit →
from Seeking Alpha
Ooo, firearms jokes are fun! Let me try one:
Authors of cheesy headlines should be taken out and shot.
4 tags
New Smartphone App Lets Mexico City Cops Track... →
from Wired
Why would cops from another country want to track my location?
4 tags
Google Reader Still Drives Far More Traffic Than... →
from Buzzfeed
Does this mean Google will cancel Google+ as well? I would have posted this link on Google+, but I was afraid no one would ever see it.
4 tags
Colin Powell's Facebook page hijacked, filled with... →
from The Verge
“Err … that’s right. Hijacked.”
February 2013
5 posts
4 tags
PlayStation 4's Online Features Could Be Huge (Or... →
from Wired
This headline is either great or awful.
3 tags
Maker's Mark to Restore Alcohol Content of Whiskey →
from ABC News
We did it! U-S-A! U-S-A!
3 tags
Marco Rubio On Climate Change: 'The Government... →
from Huffington Post
If we don’t control the weather, only bad guys will have weather.
3 tags
To Meet Rising Demands, Maker's Mark Waters Down... →
from LA Weekly
Problem solved; the demand for Maker’s Mark just went down considerably.
6 tags
Wall Street Journal says it was also hit by... →
from The Verge
But nobody cares.
January 2013
14 posts
3 tags
India's old leaders get hip to the young and the... →
from Reuters
Meanwhile, Reuters headline writers remain tragically unhip to timely pop culture references.
4 tags
Atari files for bankruptcy, hopes to survive by... →
from Engadget
The fact that Atari thinks it can make any significant amount of money by selling Pong in this day and age goes a long way towards explaining why they’re filing for bankruptcy.
2 tags
Google's Eric Schmidt Opens Up About North Korea... →
from PC Magazine
If he’s opening up, obviously he learned nothing from North Korea’s culture.
3 tags
Security audit finds dev OUTSOURCED his JOB to... →
from The Register
It turns out Americans don’t want to do the jobs with six-figure salaries that we can ship overseas either.
3 tags
Negative Thinking Can Actually Help You Accomplish... →
Wall Street Journal via Lifehacker
No it can’t!
3 tags
Opinion: French are not pacifists →
from CNN
Seeing as how you are reporting on France’s military intervention, I think it’s safe to report this as a fact, not an opinion.
7 tags
CNET reporter resigns over CBS censorship of DISH... →
from Ars Technica
Apparently the only person with any integrity in CBS’ organization is now gone.
3 tags
“Though Beowulf’s real name is relatively easy to discover online, he spoke to...”
– from Wired
You stay classy, Wired. Well, don’t actually stay classy; just stick to the technical definition of being classy.
4 tags
Eric Schmidt says North Korea must allow internet... →
from The Verge
Try Googling a country before you visit it next time, Schmidty.
6 tags
One nation, under the Platinum Trillion-Dollar... →
from The Washington Post
I think we should mint a trillion dollar coin no matter what happens with the debt ceiling, just so the President can make critical decisions Two-Face style.
2 tags
The Cold Hard Facts of Freezing to Death →
from Outside Online
Headline cliches warm my heart.
5 tags
Quantum Gas Temperature Drops Below Absolute Zero →
from Wired
You’re just going to casually drop the mind-bending proposition that there are temperatures below absolute zero in a headline?
3 tags
Google game designer says innovative ads are the... →
Co.Design via The Verge
Yup, that sounds sufficiently dystopian.
4 tags
Paper That Put Gun Permit Map Online Hires Armed... →
from The New York Times
I wonder how they were able to find armed guards so quickly.
December 2012
4 posts
2 tags
Ask the Headhunter: 'Are Headhunters Worth Talking... →
from PBS
What do you think he’s going to say? “No, my profession is completely worthless - frankly I don’t understand why anyone gives us money.”
2 tags
Eric Schmidt interviews Stephen Colbert in the... →
from The Verge
Colbert neglected to opt out of the section of Google’s privacy settings that allows Eric Schmidt to interview you whenever he wants.
3 tags
US Air Force may be secretly developing next... →
from The Verge
“This assumption is based on the fact that they are not openly developing the next generation of stealth drones.”
7 tags
Major US carriers to launch nationwide 911 texting... →
from The Verge
Ahhh … but I’m being mugged now.
November 2012
10 posts
2 tags
5 Reasons You're Lucky You Didn't Have Winning... →
from ABC News
Stop trying to make me feel better, ABC News!
3 tags
RIM CEO: ‘We Needed to Get Our Act Together’ →
from Wired
Well, at least they’re finally acknowledging that there’s a problem … wait, why is he speaking in the past tense?
2 tags
Gas blast levels Mass. strip club; 18 people hurt →
from CBS News
“I swear, sweety, I smelled gas so I ran in this building to warn whoever was inside when suddenly it exploded. I had no idea it was a strip club.”
2 tags
Gadgets in Space: What It Takes to Get an iPad... →
from Wired
The answer is “a rocket.”
3 tags
BlackBerry 10 Smartphones to Be Launched at End of... →
from ABC News
It makes sense for them to skip the holiday shopping season. In many cultures, receiving a BlackBerry in your Christmas stocking means that you have been naughty.
